What NOT to give in the Chinese culture

This holiday's cute clocks from www.WestElm.com



1. Clocks -- You should NEVER give a Chinese person a clock! In Chinese the word "clock" pronounced the same as "end". When you say "giving someone an end" it literally means "attending someone's funeral". So giving people clocks is like wishing them dead.





2. Green hats (for men) -- I don't know the reason, but when you say "give a man a green hat to wear" in Chinese, it means that the guy's wife has been unfaithful. Trust me, you don't want to give a Chinese guy a green hat, even if that thing is made of gold. I bet when they designed the costumes for Robin Hood or Peter Pan, nobody thought about this!





3. Books -- don't give any books to your Chinese friends who are superstitious and like to gamble. In Chinese, the word "book" is pronounced the same as the word "lose." You get the idea.






4. Knifes, scissors, or anything sharp -- I think this symbolizes that you want to "cut" or "disconnect" your friendship to each other. I once received a very cute Hello Kitty nail clipper from a friend and was asked to pay a quarter for it, so that it wasn't considered a gift.






5. Shoes -- This is a hard one to follow because beautiful shoes can make a woman so happy! I have heard that giving someone shoes means you want that person to "go away", which also means you want to end this friendship. Shown above is that famous pair of shoes in Sex And The City movie...








6. Chrysanthemums -- They are everywhere in the Chinese funerals and funeral is probably the sole usage of these big (mostly yellow and white) flowers. I personally think about funerals every time I see these flowers.









7. Small hand towels or handkerchiefs -- They indicate that you want your friends to wipe away their tears. When I was growing up, we always received these in paper boxes at funerals. Another thing that will trigger unhappy thoughts.






8. Umbrellas -- As practical as it is, giving a Chinese person an umbrella is commonly known as a bad idea. The pronunciation of "umbrella" sounds very similar to the word "separate", which has a bad indication that you might never see this friend again after this gathering.




If you search for this type of information online, you will find a lot more things to avoid. I personally only consider these 8 things my no-nos. If people give me any of these, I will pay them $1 just so that it wouldn't be considered a gift. That's the solution that is commonly practiced, so feel free to give beautiful shoes to the Chinese ladies you love. Just remember to ask for $1 back.


Happy gift-giving!

Where Are Those 300 Flyers Now?

(* This is a blog post I wrote for GrandPowers. The original post is here. Please read this post for the introduction.)

Here is a story to demonstrate a traditional Chinese saying, “If you only have courage, but no strategy, you cannot succeed.” (有勇無謀)

Shortly after we made our pilot site live on Mother’s Day this May 10th, we decided to promote our pilot contest and survey around Father’s Day in June. Because we are still at the pilot stage, we do not want to massively promote our site to people who don’t know us and decided to only promote by word-of-mouth. We wanted to print some flyers and try to give them to the grandchildren we could find.

So here is what happened -

5/17 – Anna designed the first draft of the flyer

5/26 – Flyer design was finalized

5/31 – Placed the order online make the flyers

6/7 – Flyers arrived! (see photo above)

6/8 – Gave away 120 flyers to all the elementary afterschool program students at OASES in Oakland

6/11 – Gave away 30 flyers at our CMO Emily’s brother’s graduation. Her brother verbally promised to get 10 stories submitted from his friends. Yay!

6/15 – Gave away 30 flyers to Youth Speaks ‘s writing workshop teacher to distribute to his students.

6/16 — Gave away 30 flyers to the families at the Age Song senior communities for its upcoming Father’s Day BBQ in Hayes Valley.

With 4 days left until Father’s Day and 90 more cards to distribute, my desperation stimulated my creativity — I found this great website with a list of all the events kids can go to in the Bay Area. The obvious places are SF Zoo, the California Academy of Sciences, and all the children friendly museums, and street festivals, etc. Isn’t it a great idea to promote GP at these places?

Unfortunately, during the Father’s Day weekend, I suddenly suffered from a health issue that significantly lowered my energy level, so I carried the flyers with me and ran some errands in the city with my eyes peeled for places to distribute the flyers. First I went to Japan Town to buy groceries and found a community bulletin board and slots to leave ads. I happily posted my flyers and left some for the Japanese families who might walk by. Then, I went to the Richmond neighborhood to have lunch.

The miracle happened when I was looking for parking! I drove by a small playground with families and it turned out to be the wonderful Richmond branch of SF Public Library! It was recently re-opened with a huge children’s reading room, and a special teenage room, with tons of kids and computers. It was the ideal GrandPowers incubating place. The best part was meeting Ann, the librarian. I nervously approached Ann with my pitch about GP, and she loved it right away. Ann helped me post it on their bulletin board and put the rest of the flyers at a few popular spots in the library. I was so happy and further believed that “when there is a will, there is a way”!

What was the result? Not very good at all. Traditionally, only 2~3% of the people getting any type of flyer will respond to it. So, maybe 100 people really saw those 300 flyers, and 2 to 3 people really visited our website. I wonder where those 300 flyers are right now. I only hope those who got it would take a second to think about their grandparents and make a mental note to show how much they care.

This is a story to demonstrate a traditional Chinese saying, “If you only have courage but no strategy, you cannot succeed.” We had plenty of courage, but my lack of strategic preparation really made promoting Grandpowers difficult. However, we are not discouraged and are even more passionate! We found the experience interesting, learned a good lesson and met some very nice friends. Big thank you to Andy at Breakthrough SF Day School, Dennis at Youth Speaks, Maria, Nelson, and Stanley at OASES, and Ann at the Richmond branch San Francisco Public Library!

PS: If you got the flyer and are reading this, please leave a comment to say hi!

A very little nice thing I do -- GrandPowers

There is a Chinese saying -- 勿以善小而不為 勿以惡小而為之

"Do that nice thing, even if it is insignificant. Don't do that bad thing, even if it is trivial."

This saying was from one of the emperors during The Three Kingdoms era of China -- Liu Bei .

Liu Bei (劉備) passed away in year 223. This saying was what he left for the crown prince, reminding his son that a big thing can always be traced back to a small beginning. Therefore, it is important to always do the right things, not the wrong things, even if they are trivial.

I have been working on this non-profit venture with a team of fantastic volunteers for the past 6 months. This saying came back to me many times when I asked myself why I spent all this time and energy on something so basic and natural -- connecting grandchildren to grandparents.

http://www.grandpowers.com/ is just a pilot now. We plan to launch the beta site in September for the Grandparent's Day celebration.

Please submit a story if you can! Do that nice thing -- I believe your grandparents, no matter where they are, will be touched and find it meaningful.

Cultural Difference

Interesting but useless? (from the book of "Useless Japanese Inventions Chindōgu")


Sitting in the middle of a group of senior high-profile people, I was the interpreter for a visiting scholar from China at his closing formal dinner.

The chairman of the hosting organization asked this scholar, "What was the most interesting thing you observed during your visit in the US?"

I did my job and made sure to use "interesting" in my Chinese question.

The scholar looked at me longer than usual, and said to me in a lower voice.

"Alice, I have been to many of these formal concluding events in China, and nobody has ever asked me for the most "interesting" thing before."

I took it as if he was talking to me, instead of asking me to translate this to the chairman. Therefore, I asked him in Chinese in a lower voice, too.

"Really? Then what would people ask you in China?"

He said, "They only ask me to share the most "useful" thing I learned, which is rarely the most interesting thing at all."

Can you see the difference now?

The Good News That Turned Bad

or is it the bad news that will turn good?




I have been holding a big announcement in the past month. After a 6 month search and at least 30 open house visits, Albert and I finally made an offer to purchase our own home about a month ago. The offer was accepted, so we started to plan for the move, we did research on what furniture to buy, and we began telling our friends and families, etc.

Then the unthinkable happened last weekend. The purchase contract fell apart due to the serious delay from our loan officers to get the final approval. (ask me who NOT to hire at Bank of America privately, if you want to avoid the same mistake!)

It took me a little while to recover from the loss, mainly emotionally. Now, instead of announcing this great news to everyone here, I am sharing this good news that turned bad.

Sorry for all the false excitement and invitations to do things with my new home. Albert and I will continue to rent, moving to a small one bedroom apartment near our current place next week.

My dad is a man with few words. He usually writes or talks to me when big things happen. This time, he reminded me of the following famous Chinese saying -- 塞翁失馬，焉知非福 * --“The old man lost his horse. Nobody really knew if it was good or bad in the end!”

Here is the story behind the saying – There once was a wealthy horse collector in a small town in ancient northern China. (about 150 BC). One of his very good horses ran away into the neighboring barbarian country. Everyone consoled him, but he said “why should I hastily conclude that this is not a fortunate thing?”

After a few months, the horse came back and brought back another very fast horse from the nearby country. Everyone congratulated him, but the old man said “Getting such a special horse for no obvious reason may not be a good thing after all."

One day, the old man’s son fell off of the new horse and crippled his leg. Everyone again, consoled the father. The father again did not jump into any conclusions to whether he should be happy or sad.

One year later, the nearby enemy declared war with the old man’s country, and every healthy young adult was asked to go to war. Almost everyone died in that battle. The old man’s son did not go to war because his leg was crippled!

"A setback may turn out to be a blessing in disguise." or "Every cloud has a silver lining." are similar English sayings. I like this story even more, because it serves both way. Things happen for reasons, and most of the time it is initially not easy to judge whether they are good or bad. If everything goes as you wish, extreme happiness is not necessary. At the same time, if everything seems to be against your dreams, there is no need to be completely devastated, either.



* The Chinese pronunciation is "Sai Weng Shi Ma, Yan Zhi Fei Fu" and the source is from 淮南子/人間訓 (Huainanzi). The Chinese version with pictures can be found here.

Confucius on Friendship

September 28th is his birthday, which is also "Teacher's Day" in Asia.


Today, I would like to share one of my favorite sayings from the great Chinese philosophers -- Confucius 孔子. There is a famous collection of his teachings called 論語 pronounced as Lunyu, known as the Analects of Confucius which was compiled by his students over 50 years after his death in 479 B.C.


I am actually a big fan of Confucius. In my 6 years of middle school, I was forced to memorize many things that were completely useless and meaningless, but I always enjoyed memorizing chapters from Lunyu. His philosophies of life are full of wisdom and kindness, and I find myself coming back to these lessons from time to time.

This is a saying about Friendship that I like --

子曰：“益者三友，損者三友。友直，友諒，友多聞，益矣。友便辟，友善柔，友便佞，損矣。”

There are 3 types of good friends: one that is direct and honest when they think you are wrong; one that is trust-worthy, dependable, and generous when you need help; and one that is knowledgable and talented to guide you and show you what you can't see.

There are also 3 types of bad friends: one that would lie to you because they don't want you to dislike them; one that is nice to you but is not sincere at all; and one that likes to talk a lot but does not have any substance.

Here is a link to Confucius Quotes to get a flavor of his wisdom.

Today is also a very important friend's birthday and I want to wish her happiness and health. Su and I went to elementary school together and she has been all 3 of those good friends to me. If you read Chinese, visit her blog and you will understand how lucky I am to call her a friend.

Happy Chinese Moon Festival

Tomorrow (10/3) is one of my favorite traditional Chinese holidays - the moon festival -- when friends and families get together to appreciate the biggest full moon, drink tea, eat mooncakes, and to celebrate the change of seasons from summer to autumn.

There is a beautiful Chinese poem from the Sung Dynasty that I like. To share with my friends and family who are far away from me, is Shui Diao Ge Tou by Su Shi.


水調歌頭 蘇軾

明月幾時有，把酒問青天？不知天上宮闕，今夕是何年。
我欲乘風歸去，唯恐瓊樓玉宇，高處不勝寒。起舞弄清影，何似在人間。
轉朱閣，低綺戶。照無眠 。不應有恨，何事長向別時圓？
人有悲歡離合，月有陰晴圓缺，此事古難全。但願人長久，千里共嬋娟。

My own translation of the last five sentences --

Just like how the moon changes its shape all the time, it is only a law of nature that people change between being happy and being sad, getting together and falling apart.

I shall only wish for health and long life, for us to look at the very same moon that touches our hearts, and for us to be together that way.




With this blog, and upon the moon, I wish you health and happiness, and yummy mooncakes.

The Legend of the Condor Heroes

I have been reading some classic Chinese wu xia novels lately. My brother has the entire collection by the most famous kung fu novel writer, Jin Yong. Both my brother and I were fans of Jin Yong as kids. But reading these novels now, when I no longer focus on the storyline, I can read into why the characters were as brave, angry, stubborn, evil, naive..... as they were.

I picked The Legend of the Condor Heroes 射鵰英雄傳 from my brother's bookshelf and enjoyed those 8 mini books very much.

Here to share with you, are 4 guiding principles a senior kung fu master gave to a very important young child in the legend. Just like how Harry Potter was born by 2 legendary parents and was given some unknown power, this boy, as a relunctant hero, learned these 4 principles and became the main character of this legend of the condor heros.

思定則情忘 With a solid mind, your emotions control nothing.

體虛則氣順 With an empty body, your Chi runs smoothly.

心死則神活 When your heart is dead, your spirit lives.

陽盛則陰衰 When the Yang prospers, the Yin goes away.

Shortly after I read these, the young kid learned another very important advice from one of his "teachers" before he left to fight on his own for the first time. Worrying that the kid might get killed in a battle that was impossible for him to win, the teacher said, "if you can't win, RUN AWAY! 打不贏 逃!"

This one is pretty good, too.